Nestle down in those absolutely stunning seats (some of the very best this road-tester has even parked in) and you can only just about see the seat in front of you, let alone touch it! Rear passenger legroom is simply second to none, and with a full compliment of your own climate, audio and seat adjustment controls, this rather large world of your own is a truly peaceful and restful place to be. If arriving at your next business meeting completely unruffled (regardless of what the Dubai traffic throws at you!) is important to you, then so far so good, because this rear interior really does look and feel the business.

But, the packaging is only one half of a competent delivery, and even one of the very finest hand-finished interiors currently available in a production car cannot save you from a harsh ride or progress-inhibiting performance. The ‘V8’ badge should say it all. And it does, just about.

We’re into the drivers seat now, and again you just can’t help but say ‘ahhh’ as you slide into super-soft seats, fully-adjusting yourself into the perfect driving position with the help of lots of little electric motors, sliders and switches. I don’t know where VW sources the leather they use to upholster the Phaeton, but believe me, these cows never did a hard days work in their lives!

Prodding the 4.2-litre V8 engine into life via the seductively chrome-rimmed ‘Start’ button, and aurally the initial signs are good – there’s a deep, substantial, satisfying purr that can only come from a silky-smooth V8 on tick over. Your ears enjoy this rich treat as you watch the air-conditioning vents slowly reveal behind motorised wood veneer dashboard panels. Perhaps these gizmos and gadgets are the Phaeton’s way of taking your eye off the performance ball, because the V8 is a bit of a let down, with maybe a little less grunt that you’d want on the motorway.

Around town it feels torquey enough, but should you spot a gap in that ever-present traffic you’d better give the 6-speed transmission plenty of warning with an immediate quick and concise kick-down, allowing you enough time to stir up the extra horsepower that’s lurking near the redline. Saying that, surely this car isn’t really about rocketing, it’s about wafting. And waft it does.

The electronically adjustable suspension not only raises the ride height from ‘sport’ into ‘comfort’, it noticeably raises the suspension suppleness and bump-compliance too. She’ll show her extra length around roundabouts and tight bends, so my advice is to leave the car at its full height and softest settings and simply float your way around town.

Cruising is extremely comfortable and effortless, once your desired speed has been achieved, and with no real wind noise and only the faintest of hums from the all-wheel-drive wheels and tyres, this is what it must feel like to arrive on a cloud.

Don’t hustle the Phaeton, don’t bustle it into the bends, just let it do its luxury thing. Play your favourite tune on that very fine entertainment system, set the cruise control and simply smile smugly to yourself as your troubles drift away behind you. And don’t even worry if that smile is making you look silly, because no-one will be looking at you behind the leather and wood steering wheel of this super-saloon.

For some people that may be a good thing, slipping through the traffic completely unnoticed, the understated styling and well-disguised bulk never giving away your well-healed secrets. But for others anonymity is not such a good thing. OK, so life is sweet inside the Phaeton’s luxurious interior, but in the UAE, one of the world’s most style-conscious societies, and at over 320,000AED, wouldn’t your style-statement investment be better spent on something with a better badge, more pedigree, and ultimately more ‘look at me?’ After all, why spend Mercedes money on a VW?

You see, the Phaeton just lacks the sense of style and occasion of the other European and Japanese offerings. ‘Understated’ just isn’t a word that gets used in the same sentence as ‘car’ here in the UAE, and with the VW’s bland styling now looking very dated compared to other cars in its class, it’s quite easy to see why the biggest VW hasn’t really hit the spot in terms of world-wide sales. It’s nice enough, but not quite good enough.

And to sum-up the Phaeton’s lack of impact, I’ll tell you a true story. I valet-parked this bright-white press car one evening in the front of a famous hotel, as one of my quite car-savvy friend looked-on. And off for dinner we went. Again he waited while my car was returned and as the LED headlights swung into view he said; ‘that’s your car isn’t it? The Passat?’ I guess that says it all really.

Technical Specifications

2008 Volkswagen Phaeton V8

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